


All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From The Dixie Chicks

by Feliz



Series: All I Ever Needed to Know [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombies, F/M, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feliz/pseuds/Feliz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth Greene has loved music all her life.  It was always there in the back of her mind, a tune she would hum or lyrics that would perfectly convey how she felt in a moment.  It was like speaking a second language, the way her brain would translate situations into songs in her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From The Dixie Chicks

**Author's Note:**

> This story and the previous one (which I have now linked in a handy dandy series) overlap through the first part of this one so it will probably be confusing if you haven't read that one first. 
> 
> This installment was actually really difficult to write for some reason. Turns out writing from the perspective of a mostly happy and well-adjusted person is practically impossible for me. I'm sure this says something about my own emotional well being. *shrug* Oh well!
> 
> I've re-written most of this several times but it still feels forced and disingenuous. It just kept becoming this massive ball of fluff inadvertently. But then I was thinking that maybe we could all use some ridiculous fluff right now.

Beth Greene has loved music all her life. Some of her earliest memories are of her Momma singing along with the radio while cooking or doing things around the house. Once upon a time, Beth had even considered pursuing a career in music. After deciding against princess (age 6) and rodeo queen (age 12), she thought maybe she could make her passion a profession. Six months after entering the Hugh Hudson School of Music at the University of Georgia, she met Adam. A year later, she was pregnant and heading home to Senoia alone, all thoughts of a music career a distant memory. 

Even though she knew being a singer would never work with a baby, music was still her first love. It was always there in the back of her mind, a tune she would hum or lyrics that would perfectly convey how she felt in a moment. It was like speaking a second language, the way her brain would translate situations into songs in her mind. She had tried to explain it to Daryl once, before they had even started dating. He had just looked at her, “Yeah, I get it.” She had wondered at the time if that was just lip service. But months later when he showed her the engraving on the inside of her wedding band, she knew he understood. 

_Is forever enough?_

**********

_If I fall, you're going down with me_  
 _You're going down with me baby, if I fall_

Beth was drawn to Daryl Dixon immediately. Two weeks after she had met him, she wanted to know everything about him. She knew though, from seeing it firsthand, that she had to move forward slowly. Daryl was like a skittish colt; she didn't want to break him, she wanted to _live_ him. Underneath the carefully controlled exterior, she thought he was wild, tumultuous, passionate and she wanted to experience all of it. 

She spent months watching him with her daughter, falling head over heels as she saw him smile at Emma Kate in a way he did no one else. She had planned to give him longer before she approached him on any sort of romantic terms, but she couldn't take it anymore. She worried that she was hurting him more than helping by giving him time. And selfishly it was getting harder and harder for her to keep things friendly, when he was sitting in her kitchen, her daughter in his lap looking for all the world like everything she wanted. Standing there holding his hand while Em goes to her first day of kindergarten, she was like a teenager, imagining that this was real; that he was hers and the kid was theirs. And she wanted. 

Fortunately for Beth Greene she'd been stubborn since she was six months old, according to her Daddy anyway. She took things slow with Daryl, letting him share himself and his past with her on his own terms. She had assumed at the type of relationships he had previously had with women and was determined to make sure he knew theirs was different. And she had long term goals in mind. 

She hadn't learned until they spent the night together for the first time with Emma Kate staying at the farm, that Daryl felt it all along. In fact, you'd have thought he was a blushing virgin that first night, he was so nervous. He had admitted that he'd never had sex with actual feelings involved before and it was overwhelming and he had been afraid he would screw it up. Beth had secretly thought it was adorable that he was worried about even the physical aspect of their relationship because she could honestly say that was the one thing she had _never_ been worried about with Daryl. 

Even after Daryl fell asleep, he didn't let Beth go. In fact, in his sleep, his grip on her seemed to tighten as if he was trying to merge the two of them together.

**********

_If I could hold you now_  
 _Just for a moment, if I could really make you mine_

Two months in and Beth is still completely enamored with Daryl. She is acting like a thirteen year old girl but she doesn't care in the slightest. She may have even secretly doodled their names the other day. All she needs is a Lisa Frank folder and her Girl Talk board game and it will be middle school all over again. 

She hasn't really said anything to Daryl about how she's feeling, doesn't want to scare him away. But she catches him staring at her, feels his eyes on her when she's cooking or talking to Em. She knows Daryl would probably never say what he was feeling out loud either, but she's become adept at interpreting Daryl-speak. She's pretty sure all the soft smiles and smoldering stares mean "I am completely head-over-heels in love with you but I cannot say it because of my tortured soul, so I am asking you to stare into my expressive eyes and read the words of my heart." Or something similar, certainly.. 

So instead of pouring her heart out, she smiles all the time, humming love songs that pop into her head, touching Daryl as often as she can no matter how unnecessary. It's a random Tuesday night and Beth is tucking Emma Kate in, with Daryl watching from the doorway. 

"Can I wear a tiara to school tomorrow?"

"Baby girl, we talked about this; no princess clothes at school."

Emma Kate huffs. "When I'm big, I'm gonna wear my princess clothes every day."

"Well, that will certainly help narrow down your options on career day." She hears Daryl snicker behind her. 

"What's career day?"

"It's when adults come to your school and talk about the jobs they do so you can decide which ones sound interesting. And you're stalling for time here, baby girl. Goodnight!" Beth leans over to let Em kiss her cheek, before she kisses the girl on the forehead. 

She's already moving to leave when Emma Kate pipes up. "Be sure to share my goodnight kiss with Daryl too 'cause I didn't give him one."

Beth turns to look at Em, completely unprepared for this conversation. "Oh, um, well-"

"I saw he shared my going-to-school kiss with you this morning. I don't mind."

Beth is a coward. "I sure will. Night!" She grabs Daryl's arm and pulls him out of the room with her. For some reason she expects him to be embarrassed about the whole thing so she ignores it, heading straight for the couch. "You wanna watch Deadliest Catch?"

Daryl reaches out to grab her by the waist, pulling her back against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her he whispers in her ear. "I think you owe me something, Greene." He leans down to place a kiss on her neck, just under the ear that was still tingling from his beard. "And good girls should always share."

**********

They've been dating just over six months when Beth realizes that she and Daryl are basically living together. It’s weird to Beth in that it’s not weird at all. Isn't this moving too fast? Shouldn't she be worried about the way they've just slotted their lives together? That Daryl traded his truck in on one with a backseat so they wouldn't have to switch vehicles since Emma Kate is with him almost as much as she's with Beth? That Em will ask "When is Daryl gonna be home?" when he's not at their house?

She knows she can't breathe a word of these thoughts to Daryl, that he'll see regret where she sees curiosity. So she invites Maggie out to lunch and hardcore shopping on Saturday because she is dying to get these thoughts out of her head now that they have taken root. 

"Isn't this crazy, Maggie?! I mean, I didn't even ask him to watch Em today. I just told him I was going to lunch with you and it was just _assumed_ that she would be with him. A man I have only been dating six months has my daughter who knows where doing who knows what! ‘Cause I didn't even ask him what they were gonna do, Maggie! I just left! And this morning when I woke up, the house was empty and I didn't even care! I mean, he left a note saying he and Emma Kate went to pick up breakfast, but even before I found the note, I wasn't worried. A man _whose middle name I do not even know_ is livin' in my house and raisin' my daughter!"

Maggie puts down her sandwich and sighs. "Beth, why are you always tryin' to analyze everything to death? Can't you just leave it be?" She reaches over to grab her hand and squeezes gently. "You're happy, right?"

Beth stops to think about it. Thought about how they'd be there when she got home, probably in the middle of some project or other. How they'd all sit down and eat dinner together. How she or Daryl would tuck Em in bed, maybe read her a story. How Daryl would probably work outside the next day while Emma Kate helped, Beth inside doing laundry or cleaning up. How they'd do it all over again the next week. 

Beth realizes she's just staring down at the table, soft smile on her face, holding Maggie's hand. "That's what I thought," Maggie says, pulling her hand away to start eating again. "Besides, I went home with Glenn the day I met him! Six weeks after that we were engaged, three months later we were married. That's just how we Greene girls work; we know what we want and we get it." She winks at Beth with a knowing smirk. 

Beth gets home hours later to find a tent in the living room and her family at the kitchen table wearing tinfoil hats. Spread out in front of them on aluminum foil are the makings of s'mores and some vegetables Daryl is chopping while Merle seems to be seasoning some steaks. He looks up when Beth walks in and gives her a small smirk as she looks over the table. “You're out of aluminum foil.”

She laughs. “I bet. What's goin' on?” She leans down to kiss Emma Kate on the top of the head.

“It’s too cold for campin' but Daryl said we could sleep in a tent in the living room. But first we're gonna grill food and then build an outside fire to make s'mores! Here, I made you a crown before Daryl wasted all the 'luminum on vegetables.” Beth puts the crown on her head and it slips down over her eyes. “Oh. I guess Merle's head is bigger 'an yours, Momma!”

Beth pushes the crown up back up into place. “I guess so.” She walks over to Daryl, leaning up for a kiss as Merle begins gathering supplies. 

“Grab your hat and gloves, little miss. Let's head out and get these steaks started.” Em jumps down from her seat and follows Merle to the back door. 

After watching them go out, Beth turns to Daryl. “What's your middle name?” He looks at her like she's grown a second head.

“Daryl.” She just stares at him. “James Daryl, remember? You said you was gonna call me JD and I said not if you expected me to hang around?”

“Right, I completely forgot about that.”

“Was probably all the moonshine you drank that night.”

She laughs and leans against him as he finishes cutting up the onions. “My middle name is Anne.”

He looks at her with a quizzical smile. “Yeah, I know. What's with you today?” 

“Nothin'. Just wanna know everythin' about you, I guess.”

He looks at her for a moment and then leans forward to kiss her. Pulling back, he rests his forehead on hers. “We got nothin' but time.”

**********

_I'm not ready to make nice_  
 _I'm not ready to back down_  
 _I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time_  
 _To go round and round and round_

When they had their first fight, which really wasn't a fight at all with how fast everything happened, Beth spent the days after mulling on the Daryl that had strode out of her kitchen without a care. She remembered staring at him and not recognizing the man looking back at her, at her daughter. His eyes were cold, his face was hardened, his voice mean and sour. She had seen the signs during dinner that night that he was agitated but she never would have predicted that sort of outcome. 

She was mad for days afterward, feeling like a fool for believing Daryl to be something he was not. He had tricked her; a wolf in sheep's clothing all along. And then she talked to her Daddy. He told her about his own childhood and the man who shaped him with biting words and hurtful hands. How that rage can build up inside someone who is in that life, day in and day out. How it had come out in the worst way after Maggie's momma died. How he still fights it sometimes.

While Beth knew Daryl's father had hurt him, had seen the scars left on his body and the doubt in his own worth, she had never really stopped and thought about it. She spends the next few days imagining the man she knows now as the boy he likely was; feeling helpless at his circumstances, wishing he was ten feet tall and made of steel so that no one could hurt him anymore. She thinks of the animals her father treated after the police raided a dog fighting ring when she was a child. How she felt like those dogs desperately wanted her to pet them, but at the same time instinct made them snap at her when she came too close.

She watches her daughter sleep at night, surrounded by toys and love and memories. She thinks of little boy Daryl all alone and mad at the world and she cries. 

The next morning she wakes up determined; pitying Daryl gets her nowhere and he would hate it if he thought she did. She wants him and she knows he's a good man. She just has to convince him. She thinks of Coco, who was the dog fighting champion when he came to her Daddy's practice, full of spit and aggression. Six months later, that dog was sleeping in Beth's bed every night, gentle as ever. She can do this. More accurately, she knows Daryl can do this; she just has to help him along the way. She's going to give him until the weekend, and then she'll take matters into her own hands. Daryl calls her on Friday.

**********

_'Cause our children are watching us_  
 _They put their trust in us_  
 _They're gonna be like us_  
 _So let's learn from our history_  
 _And do it differently_

Acknowledging the issue doesn't make it go away of course. Beth has some ideas about how to deal with Daryl's anger, but it's not like she can just test them on a whim. He's not a gremlin she can just feed after midnight or drop in water to try things out. So she starts watching for the signs of agitation; shifty eyes, non-committal grunts, chewing his thumb. And then she starts trying different things; outright asking him (this is the least effective and generally leads to further aggravation), suggesting he go work on his bike in the garage (also not that effective, leads to Daryl looking at Beth like she might be scared of him), sending him out hunting/fishing with Merle (not really that effective and generally leads to drunk Daryl and Merle), ordering him into the living room to watch movie/TV with Emma Kate (works every time).

While all of this is useful knowledge, it's not very feasible to have to shove him in a dark room with a Disney movie and the kid in his lap every time his temper might flare up. And then the most amazing thing happens. She stumbles upon the perfect way to bring Daryl back to himself completely by accident. It was a random Saturday afternoon in August and they had decided to go the movies (read: the kid had begged and they had acquiesced). Daryl is making a right hand turn into the parking lot when some kid in a sports car comes tearing in, making a left hand turn from the other side of the highway. He cuts Daryl off and forces him to pull Beth's decade old Honda Accord onto the sidewalk to avoid a collision. 

Daryl pulls the car back into the parking lot and into a space near the idiot, muttering 'quarter' words under his breath the entire time and bolts from the car as soon as he's turned it off. Beth can hear him as she helps Em out of the back seat and they make their way over. "What the hell was that, you moron?! Jesus Christ, you tryin' to kill people for stale popcorn and sticky floors?" The idiot is stammering out apologies when Beth walks up to Daryl, placing a hand on his back. She feels the difference immediately, like he just deflates. He turns to look at her for a few seconds before reaching down to pick up the kid (who Beth keeps telling him is too big to be toted around). He shifts Emma Kate to his right before taking Beth's hand with his left. He looks back at the scared kid standing in front of him. "Be smarter next time. It ain't worth it."

As they turn and head to the theater, Beth thinks she was actually the biggest moron in that group. _Touch, why didn't I think of that sooner?_

**********

_Ain't no talking to this man_  
 _Ain't no pretty other side_  
 _Ain't no way to understand_  
 _The stupid words of pride_

The big "Touch Test" happens two weeks later. Em is at the farm for the weekend and Beth and Daryl will be headed that way for a family cookout come Sunday night. In the meantime, they get a whole weekend to themselves. Saturday morning, they have just gotten home from dropping the kid off, when Merle comes in telling Daryl that he had a 'little accident' with the bike the night before. 

Two minutes later it's a verbal knockdown, drag out in the way only siblings can do, already bringing up stuff that happened years ago. "God damn it, Merle! This is just like that old Ford I let you borrow that was totaled in 24 hours!"

"Little brother, I done told you; I'm gonna fix the bike. It'll be good as new in a week."

"Right, just like you 'replaced' that old truck with a hunk of shit that didn't even work!" Beth thinks it’s gone far enough at this point and she doesn't want this to ruin their whole weekend. She walks up beside Daryl, wrapping her arm around his waist, placing her other hand on his chest. 

"We need to get going cause the bakery closes at noon and I really want some of those cannoli for dessert tonight." Daryl wraps his arm around her shoulder automatically in response and the reaction is immediate and amazing. It's like his whole body that was strung tight like a violin bow becomes putty under her touch. He turns to look at her for a beat before nodding. 

"Just get it fixed, Merle. And don't half-ass it neither."

So her man has a temper? If touching is the answer, well Beth supposes that's just her cross to bear. That night they have Glenn and Maggie over for an adults only game night with wine and inappropriate Pictionary. As she watches a slightly tipsy Daryl jump up off the couch to yell "Anal beads!" at Maggie's drawing, which causes Beth and Glenn to lose the game, she just smiles anyway thinking this day was pretty perfect. 

A month later Emma Kate decides to give herself some zigzag bangs and Beth is furious. She is gearing up to lay into the kid about it, when she feels Daryl's hand on the small of her back and she realizes that this touch thing apparently goes both ways.

**********

They've been engaged for two weeks when Emma Kate broaches the subject with Beth. They're in the car on the way to Maggie's, just the two of them.

“When we get married, will Daryl be my Daddy?”

Beth had been expecting this ever since she had explained the engagement. “Would you like that?”

“Katie's Daddy doesn't play with her. He's not fun like Daryl. Is that what it would be like if he was my Daddy?”

“Oh, baby girl, no. No, it wouldn't be like that. Daryl loves you. He'll love you the same if you call him Daddy or if you call him Monkey Head.”

Emma Kate giggles. “Monkey Head, Monkey Head!”

“Why don't you talk to Daryl about it?” she suggests as they get out of the car. “See what he thinks?”

That night she hears them talking as Daryl's tucking Em in, but she can't make out the words. An hour or so later, she goes to investigate when he hasn't come out. She finds him laying in the bright pink daybed, looking slightly out of place. Emma Kate's head is on his chest and he's running his fingers through her hair, resting his cheek on her head. He meets her eyes and gives her a small smile. She goes over to climb in the other side of the bed, spooning up behind Em and enjoying a quiet moment with her family.

“Monkey Head, huh?” Beth just smiles. 

Beth sees the effect it has on Daryl immediately, can read it on his face every time Em refers to him in this new way. It doesn't hit her until later, when they are at the farm for Christmas and she sees her father hand her daughter a present. “Give that one to your Daddy.” It's like the wind gets knocked out of her and tears spring to her eyes. She feels Daryl reach over and squeeze her hand. 

_God Bless mommy and match box cars_  
 _God Bless dad and thanks for the stars_  
 _God hears Amen wherever we are_  
 _And I love you_

**********

_You can't afford no ring_  
 _You can't afford no ring_  
 _I shouldn't be wearing white and you can't afford no ring_

They get married the first Saturday in May on her Daddy's farm. Beth could tell that Daryl was getting more and more anxious the closer it got to the wedding. But she knew it was better to let him work things out in his own time, unless he started showing signs of going too far down the rabbit hole. Beth just plugs along, making wedding plans, reminding him how much she wants to marry him. 

The day of the wedding dawns bright and clear, and Beth hopes Daryl's worries are behind him. Thirty minutes before the ceremony she gets a text message from him. 

_You sure about this?_

She smiles and doesn't even hesitate. 

_Absolutely. Sure enough for the both of us._

_Wish I could see you right now_

Beth stares at her phone for a minute before an idea comes to her. 

_I'm sending you the next best thing._

She goes over to the desk in her old bedroom where the girls were dressing and grabs a pen and piece of paper. She scribbles a note and turns to Em. “Baby girl, can you run downstairs and give this note to Daryl? If you can't find him, just ask Nana, okay?”

“Okay!” She scurries out of the room and Beth sits down to let Maggie place her veil. Ten minutes later her phone goes off again. 

_That was exactly what I needed. I can't wait to see you._

Later, during the reception, her momma comes over and wraps her arm around Beth, handing her the note. “Em came down in the kitchen earlier looking for her Winnie-the-Pooh to take to Daryl for some reason.” She shakes her head. “I'll never understand how that girl's mind works. Anyhow, she left this on the table, thought you might want it back.”

Beth takes the note, looking back to where she had left Daryl. He's got Emma Kate in his lap and from the looks of it she's talking a mile a minute. Daryl has a smile on his face, leaning over Em, taking her shoes off for her. He'd made a deal with her that if she kept her shoes on for the whole ceremony, he'd get her this new Lego set she had her eye on. Beth smiles, wondering if she'll ever know what that little girl had said or done to make Daryl so sure of things in a way she hadn't been able to do herself.

**********

They sold both the houses and bought a big home on the outskirts of town. It needs a little love, but it has a huge garage in the back for all Em's outside toys (and Daryl's) with an apartment over it for Merle. Daryl had been surprised when she mentioned it, but Merle is family. And while Beth would never say, she secretly believes that family was the reason that he has stayed clean this time. Merle has always been brash and never needed anyone, but like with Daryl, she had watched as Em unintentionally wormed under his defenses. Now he works at the Greene farm and participates in family dinners, plays dress up. Sometimes he seems antsy to prove he's still a 'badass' and he'll show up with a new tattoo or spend a whole weekend out with some woman he meets at a bar. But he always comes back.

Merle makes a fancy engraved sign for the mailbox announcing to everyone that this house now belongs to 'The Dixons' and that's probably what started Emma Kate's wheels turning. Beth is working on the flower beds on the side of the house and she can hear Em and Daryl in the garage. 

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby girl?”

“One time Grandaddy explained to me when I wanted to be called Emma Kate Pink instead of Emma Kate Greene that your end name was how people knew who you belonged to. You and Uncle Merle are Dixon and now Momma's name is Dixon so why can't I be a Dixon too? How will people know who I belong to now?”

She hears some shuffling around and imagines Daryl is moving over to Em. “Well, it's not as simple as that for a kid, but I'm working on it. I promise.”

That night Daryl seems nervous when he tells Beth he wants to make an appointment with an adoption attorney, if she's okay with it. He says he did some reading online, wanted to make sure there were no time requirements for step-parent adoptions, to make sure Merle living there wasn't a problem and just get some general information. “I know we never talked about it and she already feels like mine, you know? Just some dumb piece of paper, but-”

“But then she'll know she's yours.”

A week later over breakfast, Beth tells Emma Kate that soon they'll go in front of a judge who will give them a paper that tells everyone that Daryl is her Daddy and then she can be Emma Kate Dixon. The kid is unconcerned about this and takes a bite of Cheerios before shrugging her shoulders. “I know. Daddy's working on it.”

**********

They've been married a year when Beth finds out she is pregnant. They have been talking about having a child for a few months and she had just gotten off the pill a little over a month ago. She is thrilled that it happened so quickly as she always wanted her children to be close in age. She hopes that Daryl will be happy too; but hypothetical pregnancies are one thing, actually being pregnant with a child is completely different.

She tells him that night after Emma Kate goes to bed. He just stares at her in shock for a few seconds before reaching out to pull her to his chest. She can feel his heart racing, but he still hasn't said a word. Eventually he pulls back and places a hand on her stomach, staring as if he can see through to the new life inside. Then he looks up to meet her eyes, a smile on his face. She places her hand over his and smiles in return.

**********

They decide to tell everyone at Emma Kate's birthday party in late August. Well, tell them without actually telling them. Daryl suggests they just tell the kid and watch it happen and Beth agrees. The morning of her eighth birthday party, they sit her down and tell her she's going to be a big sister. She wants to know everything. Is it a boy or a girl? Where will it sleep? What's the baby's name? How big is it? When will Momma's tummy get big? Is the baby going to be there before Christmas? Does this mean we can't get a dog now?

When it comes time for the actual party, Em seems to have completely forgotten about it. Until time for cake, when she demands a piece “as big as the baby in Momma's belly” which means she clearly didn't understand that the baby was only about an inch long. Everyone stops and stares at Beth, who just smiles. 

Maggie is the first to find her voice. “Beth, you're pregnant?” She nods in response. Maggie jumps up and heads toward Beth with her arms out. “We're pregnant too!”

Maggie has engulfed her in a hug before she can think to respond. “You're pregnant?!” From there it is a cacophony of excited voices and questions. At least until the birthday girl stands up in a chair and demands to know who was going to cut the cake. 

Turns out Maggie is 10 weeks to Beth's 8 and they were going to tell everyone today as well. Her Momma and Daddy are thrilled and Beth is shocked beyond words that Glenn managed to keep the baby a secret for that long.

**********

Finally the time comes for the sonogram where the baby will be developed enough to determine if it’s a boy or a girl. Beth is dying to know, though really she'll be fine with either. Secretly she would like to see Daryl have a son he can do all those 'man things' with, though he actually told her he would rather it be a girl because at least he had some experience with those.

The consensus seems to be that whatever Maggie is having, she will be having the opposite, which Beth thinks is a ludicrous assumption. Regardless, when Maggie calls to them she's a having a boy, Daryl seems to breathe a sigh of relief.

A few days later, Daryl is holding her hand when the technician tells them they're having a boy. She feels his grip on her hand tighten but when she turns from the baby on the screen to look at him, he just gives her a smile and leans forward to kiss her, whispering “I love you”.

Two nights later Beth wakes up to Daryl scooted down in the bed with his head beside her belly, hand resting lightly atop it, talking softly. “And we'll go campin', just for fun though. You can play sports if you wanna, but you don't have to. And don't do anything crazy just ‘cause your Uncle Merle tells you to; come ask me or your Momma first." He sighs and lightly rubs his hand over the baby. “What I mean is, you don't gotta be anything other than a kid for a while.” He's quiet for a few minutes and Beth wonders if he's gone to sleep. “I don't wanna screw this up, make you hate me one day.” he whispers. 

That's the final straw for Beth. She reaches down to run her hand through his hair. When he turns his head to look at her, he doesn't seem embarrassed like she would have thought. He looks vulnerable, scared. “He's gonna adore you. Just like Em does. Just like I do.”

**********

After Beth's late night reassurances, some of Daryl's worries seem to have subsided. And now that they know it’s a boy, they need to decide on a name. He never outright vetoes her names, but he always responds with some horrendous proposal of his own.

“What about Colton?” she suggests over breakfast one morning. 

“Or Barnabas?” he counters. 

Emma Kate wrinkles her nose where she is sitting at the table eating cereal. “Barney-bus?”

Daryl reaches over the wipe some milk off her chin. “Barn-a-bus.”

Em shakes her head. “That's not any better.”

Beth stands and heads to the sink. “Agreed.” Em goes to put her shoes on and brush her teeth while Daryl grabs the other dishes from the table and comes to stand beside Beth. 

He leans back against the counter beside her and crosses his arms, looking down at the floor. “After my Momma died, we were staying in this piece of shit trailer outside of town and across the street lived this older guy in a really nice double wide with a permanent foundation and landscapin' and stuff. He had this big ol' shed behind it and one day he found me hidin' in there when my dad was tryin' to give me shit. He brought me out some cookies and told me I could stay as long as I wanted. From then on every time I hid out in there, he woulda left me something new; a comic book or a cheap toy.” He looks up at Beth. “He died a couple of months after we moved there, had a heart attack I think. His name was Benjamin.”

“Benjamin, huh?” She watches Daryl for a minute. “Can we call him Ben?” Daryl nods. “Benjamin it is then.” She reaches up to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his waist. 

He pulls her into him, arms around her back, putting his lips next to ear. “Benjamin Hershel.”

She pulls back to look him in the eye. “Really?”

He shrugs. “Figured that'd be a good, strong name for him.”

She smiles up at him. “You ain't changed your mind about him being a junior? That'd be a good, strong name too. We could call him JD.” He just shakes his head and leans forward to kiss her again.

**********

Benjamin comes into the world on a Tuesday afternoon only five hours after they arrive at the hospital. The process went a lot faster than with Emma Kate for which Beth was grateful. Not only for herself, but because Daryl looked ready to stroke out only an hour into the whole thing. She knew he hated feeling helpless, but he stayed right beside her the whole time, holding her hand and glaring at everyone who came to check her.

Afterward, Beth is understandably exhausted and sleeps for a couple of hours. When she wakes up, it looks like Daryl hasn't moved from the recliner in the corner, holding Ben, just staring down at him. The silence is broken by a knock at the door, before it opens to reveal her parents and Emma Kate, who heads straight over to Daryl to stare at the bundle in his arms.

“This him?” Daryl nods. “He's not as cute as I thought he would be.”

Daryl laughs. “He'll get cuter. He's had a rough day, is all.” She seems skeptical, but she submits to pictures holding the baby and cuddles with Beth while the grandparents get their turn. Once everyone is gone, Beth tries to convince Daryl to let Ben go back to the nursery and take advantage of the sleep while they can. He tells her to go to sleep, that he'll call the nurse to get the baby in a few minutes, when he was 'done lookin' at him'. Hours later, Beth wakes up to Daryl pacing a hungry, fussy baby and when she gives him a look, he just gives her a small smile. “Wasn't done lookin' at him yet.”

The next night, they are all at home, lounging in Beth and Daryl's bed just glad to be there together. Emma Kate is warming up to the baby and agrees he's already much cuter now. “Momma, are you gonna sing the song to Ben?”

“Do you think he would like it?” Em nods and Daryl scoots closer to wrap his arm around his daughter. “Would you sing it with me?” Beth asks. Em nods again and they start singing the same song she's been singing to Em since she was born. 

_They didn't have you where I come from_  
 _Never knew the best was yet to come_  
 _Life began when I saw your face_  
 _And I hear your laugh like a serenade_

_How long do you want to be loved?_  
 _Is forever enough, is forever enough?_  
 _How long do you want to be loved?_  
 _Is forever enough?_  
 _Cause I'm never, ever giving you up_

**********

Ben is just over two months old when Daryl asks Beth if she would be okay on her own with the baby for a Saturday, telling her that Merle has agreed to be around if she needed him. He wants to take Em into Atlanta to Six Flags and just spend the day doing whatever she wants. She has noticed that Emma Kate seems withdrawn since the baby, not angry or jealous, just sadder. She's used to having both her parents available whenever she wanted, especially Daryl, and she's not used to sharing their attention. Beth has tried to talk to her, but she honestly can't tell if Em's attitude is about Ben or just a natural progression.

It is beginning to become increasingly obvious that Emma Kate is growing up. She's moving away from little kid things towards becoming a pre-teen. She likes to listen to music and read books all on her own. She doesn't want anyone to tuck her in anymore, preferring to spend the time before bed in her room, reading or writing in a journal that Annette had given her. The first time she referred to Daryl as Dad instead of Daddy, Beth thought he looked heartbroken. 

Beth could tell that Em's detachment was harder on Daryl than it was on her. After all, she'd been a young girl herself and knew how girls always gravitated back to their daddies. She herself remembers being torn at that age, wanting to still crawl up in your Daddy's arms one day and feeling like a full grown adult the next. Hell, if Beth was honest she still fights that battle some days, missing when one hug and piggyback ride from her father fixed all her problems. Her parents' arms had always been a safe place for her growing up, still was some days. And she loved the idea that the same was true for Daryl and their kids. 

Beth sends them off to Atlanta bright and early on Saturday before spending the day puttering around the house. She does laundry, dishes and mainly just hangs out with Ben. She gets some random texts from Daryl and Em and it looks like they're having a great time. That night, she throws some dinner together for Merle and herself and they veg out on the couch watching trash TV and eating ice cream. They seem to have found a marathon of one of the _Real Housewives_ shows and Merle is holding Ben and explaining to him the finer points of avoiding a crazy woman "no matter how hot she is". Beth would say something, but really she secretly agrees with him and it's not like Ben understands him yet anyway. 

Beth wakes up on the couch sometime after midnight, Merle asleep in the recliner beside her. She hears the back door to the garage open and sees Daryl come in carrying a passed out Emma Kate. She's wearing a new shirt and pink fuzzy hat so it looks like Daryl went all out. He gives Beth a smile before heading down the hall toward Em's room. She gets up off the couch, spreading the blanket she was using over Merle before gathering up their dishes and heading to the kitchen. She loads everything in the dishwasher and goes to check on Ben before seeking out Daryl. 

She finds him still in Em's room where he's already taken her shoes off and has her all tucked in. He's just standing over her running his right hand through her hair. Beth comes up behind him and wraps her arms around his waist. He lays his left hand on Beth's and gives it a squeeze, turning his head to whisper to her. “'Member when she was goin' to kindergarten and you freaked out 'cause she was growin' up too fast? You were right.”

Beth tightens the arms she has around his waist and drops a kiss on his shoulder blade before resting her head against his back, just content to be there for a few minutes.

**********

When Ben is six months old, Beth gets switched to nights at work for a three month rotation to replace someone on maternity leave. She knows she's one of the only nurses on her floor who haven't had a night rotation so it's only fair, but she's not really looking forward to it all the same.

Daryl tells her it'll be fine, that they'll make it work. Beth actually doesn't think it will be all that different from working the day shift. She was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. Ben still spends the day at Ms. Carol's daycare, presumably so she can get some sleep. But Beth can't seem to sleep during the day even though she's exhausted from being up all night. Daryl falls right into the caretaker role and Merle is helping out with meals and around the house. She tries to do laundry or clean during the day when she can't sleep, but the house feels so lonely and quiet during the day that she ends up trying to go back to sleep just to get away from it. She feels completely out of sorts, like she hasn't seen Daryl or the kids in ages and she starts crying when she realizes that she can't remember the last time she actually changed Ben's diaper. 

And that's how Merle finds her. Curled up on the couch at noon on a Wednesday, bawling her eyes out. He stares at her for a few seconds like he doesn't even know who she is before he finally manages to speak. “You want me to call Daryl?” She should just tell him she's fine, that she doesn't need Daryl and he could head back to the farm to work. But the floodgates are open and Beth can't seem to stop it now. 

“Do you know I haven't changed my son's diaper in over a week? I haven't helped Em with her homework or made dinner. I even miss grocery shoppin' and I hate grocery shoppin'! Last week I missed one of Emma Kate's softball games and Daryl sent me this picture of her adorable outfit with her little helmet and too big glove on and I missed it! I'm missing everything! I'm their momma, I'm supposed to be takin' care of 'em!” Anything else Beth wants to say gets lost in the huge wracking sobs she can't seem to stop. 

“Hey, hey now darlin'. Ain't nothing to be upset about. Just gotta get through it and it'll be over before you know it.” He pats her on the head before leaving the room. A few seconds later, Beth hears the back door close and a car start up. For some reason this upsets her even more, like he should have tried harder to make her feel better. Ten minutes later she hears the back door again and Merle walks into living room, holding Ben who's waving his hands and kicking his feet. 

“Now, I talked to Otis and he and the boys will be fine for the rest of the day. And Carol said this little guy just drank a big lunch so he should be ripe for a nap that I thought ya'll could take together. I'll be here when he wakes up and we can hang out until his Daddy gets home.” He hands Ben to Beth and puts his bag on the floor beside her. “But first, I'm pretty sure little bud here needs his diaper changed.”

Beth cuddles her son, laughing through the tears as she takes Ben to his room to change, thinking she's never loved her brother-in-law more than in this moment.

**********

_Now me and Delilah singing every Sunday_  
 _Watchin' the children and the garden grow_

Two weeks shy of Ben's first birthday, Beth finds out she's pregnant again. It's a complete surprise because she was on the pill. She and Daryl haven't even talked about having more kids, but she doesn't really think he'll be upset about it. He had taken to fatherhood like a duck to water, as her Daddy would say. She orders one of those shirts online that say “I'm the big brother” and has to wait four whole days for it arrive so she can tell Daryl. 

She gets up early the next morning and goes straight to Ben's room, changing his diaper and his shirt before taking him back to their room and setting him on Daryl's chest. Daryl is immediately awake, reaching up to grab the baby. It takes him a minute to notice the shirt as he's busy talking to Ben who's slapping Daryl's chest and bouncing around. She can tell when he does finally read it, because he sits up, grabbing Ben and jerks his head around to stare at Beth who is standing by the bed. 

“Really?”

She knows she is smiling like a manic. “Yep, really.”

“How?”

She laughs as she leans forward to kiss him. “I don't really have time this morning, but I'll be happy to give you a demonstration later.” She kisses him again. 

Ben reaches up to Beth's face as she's leaning over. “Ma!” Daryl laughs as he leans forward to kiss Ben's head.

“Yeah, little man. Momma.” He gives Beth a soft smile and lifts his hand to her stomach.

**********

Em finds out about the baby when Beth is just over a month along, because the kid isn't stupid and Beth's morning sickness has been epic this pregnancy. She asks them about names and she and Daryl both shrug, telling her they haven't got that far yet. Emma Kate asks them if she can come up with the baby's name and they agree as long as she understands they have final say.

Over the next couple of weeks, Em refuses to tell them the names she's considering, but she does start telling them the names that she has knocked off her list. Some of the suggestions she's throwing out are scary just because they were on the list to begin with. 

“Starshine? Rahat? Atticus? I mean, does she think the baby's gonna be a sixty year old hippie or a forty year old golfer or somethin?” Beth just smiles. They're lying in bed and she's exhausted and about six seconds from falling asleep. Plus she's pretty sure Em is just messing with them at this point. 

“It ain't funny, Beth. She's gonna come in with some crazy name, all proud and shit and we're gonna have to look her in the face and tell her she's nuts!” 

The following Saturday Em wakes them bright and early, busting in their bedroom carrying Ben and calling a family meeting. She sets Ben on the bed and announces that she has decided on the name for the baby.

Daryl grumbles and sits up, grabbing Ben. “Better be good, waking us up at sunrise.”

Emma Kate just rolls her eyes. “Alright if it's a girl, which it's not, Hannah Grace.”

Beth feels her heart fall. They haven't told Em about Hannah, about what happened. She felt like it was Daryl's story to tell and Em still seems so young to learn the hard lessons. “Oh, Em-”

“Not that.” Daryl doesn't even look up as he says it.

Emma Kate doesn't seem to catch on. “What? It's a perfectly respectable name for-”

“Not that, Em.” He does look at her this time. And she must read something on his face. 

“Okay. It doesn't matter anyway, because it's not a girl. So the baby's name is Dylan Matthew!”

Beth looks to Daryl and places her hand on his arm. “Dylan, huh?”

He gives her a small smile. “Sounds good to me.”

That night while Daryl is giving Ben a bath, Beth hears Merle on the back porch swing with Emma Kate, explaining about Hannah. How Daryl was barely a year old and Hannah only three when she drowned in the bathtub. About how their Momma was never the same after that. How she tried sometimes, but would always get bogged down in the sadness. How losing Hannah just made their Daddy madder and meaner. How that set their family on the path to implosion and no one could manage to stop it. 

Daryl has just come back in the kitchen from putting Ben in bed when the back door opens and Emma Kate barrels straight into him. It knocks the breath out of his chest, but he wraps both arms around her and squeezes back, just as tight as Em is squeezing him. “I'm sorry,” she whispers. 

“It ain't your fault, but I appreciate it.” He pulls back and grabs her head with both hands, making her look up at him. He smiles at her before leaning down to kiss her forehead. “You wanna watch a movie?”

**********

_So let them talk about us_  
 _Let them call us funny things_  
 _People sometimes do_  
 _I don't care as long_  
 _As you know I love you_  
 _Oh, and you know I do_

After almost four months of calling the baby Dylan, they discover the baby is a girl. It's a hard habit to break now that they've started it and Daryl says it wouldn't be fair to change it now, she's spent so many months hearing it. So in October, three days shy of Daryl's 39th birthday, they bring home a perfect baby girl named Dylan Grace. 

The addition of Dylan seems to speed up time. Beth knows she's blessed; she loves her husband, she has great kids, but it all gets lost in the minutiae of life. After all, there's work to do and bills to pay; the kids have activities, school, doctor's appointments; Christmases, birthdays, Halloweens, it all passes in a blur. Before she knows it, Emma Kate is a teenager, Ben is in kindergarten and Beth can't remember the last conversation she had with Daryl that wasn't about who was going to be where with which kids. She feels it like a pressure in her chest. She wants to just stop everything for five minutes to figure out why she's not happy. But there's no time. 

Five years ago Daryl was appointed head of the Coweta County Road Commission and Beth couldn't have been prouder. At the beginning, Daryl had been nervous about doing a good job, so he put in a lot of hours. Things had finally started to slow down and then a year ago, the county made a deal with a couple of the smaller surrounding counties like Fayette and Spalding to contract together for road services as they couldn't afford to maintain a full staff year round. The program was the first of its kind in Georgia and Daryl had practically killed himself and his guys making sure it was a success. 

While Beth loved to see how the new job had improved Daryl's sense of self and she hadn't minded the nice pay increase, she knew that it was partly to blame for the disconnect she was feeling. And now just when she was at her wit's end with how they'd been living, he was headed to Athens to spend a few days at the University with officials and staff discussing the program. She'd known about it for weeks, but it just seems like too much now. 

She's folding laundry after the kids have gone to bed, while Daryl is trying to pack a bag. “You alright?” 

She huffs and keeps folding. “Fine. Why wouldn't I be? It's everything I can do, tryin' to keep up with work and the house and the kids. Now you're leavin' me here for a week to get it all done by myself, but I'm fine Daryl. Just fine.”

“What the hell, Beth? You've known about this trip for weeks and the night before you start givin' me shit about it?”

She throws down the towel she's folding and spins to face him. “It's not just about the damn trip, Daryl! I feel like I'm doin' this all by myself some days! Do you even care?” She knows the minute she says it that it's not true, she's just so frustrated. She takes a deep breath and steps forward, reaching out to grab his hand. He steps back to avoid her touch, staring at her with hurt in his eyes. 

“Is that what you think of me? That I don't care? All we do is run around like crazy-” He takes a few more steps back and shakes his head. “Screw you, Beth. I ain't the only here been caught up in things and not takin' the time.”

She knows he's right. Hell, a month ago he asked her on a date all cute and proper, said he wanted to take her to dinner and a movie. She had begged off, she was tired and just wanted to collapse. Now she rushes forward, wrapping her arms around him. “I'm sorry, Daryl. I'm just stressed out and I'm blaming you. I'm sorry.”

Finally he brings his arms up to hug her back. “You gotta talk to me, Beth. I don't know what's wrong if you don't tell me.”

**********

_I wanna be the only one_  
 _For miles and miles_  
 _Except for maybe you_  
 _And your simple smile_

By the end of the week, Beth is exhausted and more than ready for Daryl to come back. She knows it's probably because of the fight she picked right before he left, but she has been missing him something fierce. Friday afternoon when Beth gets home from picking the kids up, she finds Maggie waiting on her back porch. “Hey, what're you doin' here?”

“You need to pack a bag, cause you are goin' to meet Daryl in Athens for the weekend.”

“What?”

“And I've been instructed to tell you to bring a pretty dress. And if I were you, I'd bring something sexy to wear underneath it, but that wasn't part of my instructions.”

“But the kids have practice-”

“I've been apprised of your schedule. And if I forget anything you have that handy color coded calendar on your fridge. Now git.”

Beth throws her arms around her sister. “Thank you, Maggie.”

“Don't thank me; you guys are taking Aiden and Marybelle next month so me and Glenn can do the same thing. Now hurry up, Merle's gonna drive you.”

“No, that's stupid. Athens is two hours away.”

“Yeah well, Daryl didn't want you to have two cars there." Maggie brings her clasped hands up under her chin and bats her eyes. "Apparently your boyfriend wants to hold your hand in the truck on the way home.”

Beth throws some things in a bag and Merle drives her all the way to Athens, dropping her off at Hotel Indigo. She walks into the lobby and sees her husband, wearing a black suit jacket with a white shirt, dark wash jeans and boots. He's not wearing a tie, thank god or she may not have recognized him. He stands when he sees her and she has to stop for minute to catch her breath. With his few buttons undone, some scruff and a little smirk on his face, Beth thinks he's the sexiest man she's ever seen, even if she is a little biased. 

She walks over to him and he takes her hand, lifting the other hand to her cheek, he leans in to kiss her. When Beth looks up at him, she can tell he's gearing up to say something so she keeps quiet. He looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath before bring his eyes to hers. “I love the Mama Bear that takes care of my three amazin' kids.” He gives her a small smile. “And my big brother." Beth gives him a smile in return, feels tears forming already. "I love the event planner that makes the kid's birthdays and Christmases look like somethin' out of a magazine. I love the nurse who keeps all of us healthy. I even love the time Nazi who makes sure we're all where we're 'posed to be when we're 'posed to be there.” He looks away and takes a deep breath before looking back at her. “But sometimes, I miss my wife.”

She feels a tear escape to run down her cheek. “Me too,” she whispers. 

“I'd like to take her out, go to fancy restaurant and eat some mediocre overpriced food." He swipes his thumb under her eye, wiping away the moisture. "You can put on your pretty dress if you want or you can wear a brown paper sack. Either way, I want to show off my beautiful girl; make all those other fools wonder how rich that redneck must be to have snagged him such a woman.”

He pulls their hands apart and takes her in his arms. Beth thinks she would be perfectly happy to just go up to the room and bed down for the night. But she did bring a pretty dress and she doesn't want to let her man down. 

The weekend goes a long way in helping her remember the best parts of both of them, the parts she was beginning to forget.

**********

In kindergarten, Ben starts talking non-stop about Logan, his “best good friend” as Merle taught him to say. When Beth first meets Logan at a class holiday party, he breaks her heart. He is so shy, he refuses to speak to her; his pants are too short, his shirt has a hole and he looks as if he hasn't had a bath in a few days. She just wants to bundle him up and take him home with her. Her big-hearted Ben doesn't see any of that though, he just sees someone that likes comic books and super heroes, same as him.

In the months that follow, the two boys remain friends. Beth tries to have Logan over as much as possible, or at least as much as his unsuitable mother will allow. She tries to make sure he has good holidays and birthdays, that he has what he needs for school. Beth always tries to send Logan home with some of Ben's old clothes and some food. She tries to hug him a lot, compliment him on his schoolwork or when he cleans up after himself. 

It takes everything in her to send that sweet boy home to a mother who doesn't know he exists half the time. Daryl keeps telling her that calling the authorities will just make it worse, that all they can do is give the kid a safe place and let him know they care about him. It's not enough for Beth though; it’s nowhere near enough. 

Two days after Christmas when the boys are in first grade, Beth and the kids are at the public library ten minutes after they've opened. Emma Kate is a sophomore in high school, which blows Beth's mind, and she has a book report due when school starts back. Em doesn't like reading e-books, she'd rather have the real thing; takes after her father that way. Daryl won't even read the news online; still wants to get a real newspaper every day. 

They've been there about ten minutes when Ben goes to the bathroom. He comes running out a few minutes later, Logan in tow. “Momma! Logan was in the bathroom!”

Beth looks down to see Logan in sweatpants and a t-shirt, with just a thin windbreaker when it's almost January outside. She recognizes the jacket, she wouldn't let Ben leave the house in it after October when it still fit him last year, and she never would've let him wear it in this weather. “Logan, what are you doin' here?” He won't even look up at Beth, just shrugs his shoulders in response. 

“Ben, sweetie, go pick out some books. We're gonna leave as soon as Em's ready. Keep an eye on Dylan, alright?” She watches Ben cross the room to the children's section where Dylan has a pile of books pulled before kneeling down in front of Logan. She takes his little hands in hers and tries to speak in a calming voice. “Logan, did your Momma bring you here this morning?”

Logan shakes his head, but he still won't meet her eyes. She rubs her thumbs on the top of his freezing hands. “Baby, how long have you been here?” No response. “I promise, you aren't in any kind of trouble, okay? Did you sleep here last night?”

He still never raises his head to look at her, but he finally responds. “Momma didn't come home for Christmas and it was cold and the microwave didn't work cause the lights wouldn't come on. The next day I came here and I hid in the bathroom when they turned the lights out.”

Beth wants to kick and scream and then sweep Logan up and take him to Disneyland. She takes a deep breath and gives in to her urge to hug the living daylights out of him. “Well sweetie, this works out perfect. Cause we just happen to have some Christmas presents at our house with your name on 'em.”

**********

That night, Beth has the younger kids at the kitchen table cutting up construction paper for New Year's Eve confetti while she makes dinner. Em's in the living room with Tyler, the boy from down the street who's been sweet on her for forever. They won't let her date until she's 16 but they let the kids hang out together as long as it’s supervised. Daryl still hates it of course.

Daryl and Merle come in just as everything is ready and the kids are packing up the confetti they've made. “Evenin' family.” He stops by to kiss Beth on his way through the room. “Wife.” He nods toward the shy boy in the corner. “Logan.”

“Hi, Mr. Dixon.”

“Logan, how many times I gotta tell you to call me Daryl?” The kid just shrugs. 

From the living room Tyler calls out, “Hi, Daryl!” 

Daryl steps into the doorway to glare at the kid. “I mean Mr. Dixon.” Beth smiles at Tyler's red face before following Daryl back to their bedroom. 

“We found Logan at the library today. His momma didn't come home for Christmas and his electricity is out again. He stayed the night there cause his house was too cold. I'm not sending him back there, Daryl. I can't.”

He stares at Beth as he unbuttons his shirt. She doesn't know what he's looking for, but she hopes he can see how determined she is about this. Finally he nods his head. “I'll go over after dinner, see if his mom is home, leave her a note if she ain't. I'll take him with me; see if he wants to grab anything.”

After dinner Beth sends Daryl and Logan out, saving the Christmas presents for when they return. In the meantime, she wants to talk with Em, Ben and Dylan. “Guys, mini family meeting.” The kids are still sitting at the dinner table so Beth just sits back down with them. “So, I think Logan's gonna be staying with us for a bit. Is that okay with ya'll?”

Ben is nothing but excited, of course. “Yeah! He's gonna sleep in my room, right? I can sleep on the top bunk. Logan likes the bottom one but I'm not scared of the top one.”

Beth reaches over palm Ben's cheek. “I think that's great, sweet boy. Why don't you go pick up your room before Logan gets back?” Ben takes off and as usual Dylan follows so Beth turns to Em. Ben is easy to fool but she knows that Emma Kate is not ignorant about the situation. “You alright?”

Em nods her head. “Are we gonna try and take him from his mom?”

“I don't know, sweetie.” She stands and steps over to kiss the top of her oldest child's head. “But I appreciate the 'we'.”

Daryl and Logan take longer than Beth expects and when they do return, the boy's eyes are red rimmed and he has a small bag. Daryl meets her eyes over Logan's head and shakes his head. “Alright! Everyone in the kitchen for ice cream sundaes!”

**********

_Nights are long and dreams are cold_  
 _If they're all you wake up to_  
 _But should you rise with crying eyes_  
 _I'll take care of you_

Life goes on that way for several weeks. Logan blends right into the family but Beth has to work harder each day to get him to break out of his shell. He's perpetually quiet and never wants to be a bother. More than anyone, Logan is gravitating to Daryl. On bad days, when he tries to call his mom and gets no answer or when they go by the house to see if she's home, those are the times Logan sticks to Daryl like glue. And Daryl, god bless him, he never gets fed up with his little shadow. 

Then around 11:00 at night on the first Wednesday in March, there's a knock at their door. Seeing Sheriff Grimes on the other side makes Beth begin an internal panic. When she sees her high school friend Tara, who is a social worker for the county, standing there as well, she knows this is about Logan. Beth chances a look down the hall where the boys are sleeping before looking back to where Daryl is shaking Rick's hand. She doesn't waste time with pleasantries. “Is she okay?”

Rick turns to her, hat in hand. “Hey, Beth. We arrested Evelyn Whitson a couple of hours ago for possession and solicitation. It's her second arrest in a year and half so the judge is probably gonna hold her over. She wouldn't likely be able to make bail anyway.” He motions behind him. “Tara here was looking for Logan and his neighbor mentioned that he stayed with you guys pretty often?”

Beth takes a deep breath and glances at Daryl. “That depends; we talkin' to my childhood friend Tara Chambler and long time family friend Rick Grimes? Or are we talking to a social worker and the local sheriff?”

Rick gives a little laugh as he shakes his head. “Beth, I'm pretty sure your Momma changed my diapers. I'm never just gonna be the sheriff to you, okay?”

She reaches back to take Daryl's hand and he gives hers a squeeze. “Logan's been staying here since about Christmas. Evelyn's been strugglin', so Beth brought him home with Ben one day and we just kept 'im, I guess.”

Tara speaks up then. “Well, because his only parent has been arrested, I need to take legal custody of him since his mother has no family in the area.”

“Actually, that's not true.” They all turn to look at Rick as he speaks. “Daryl, ain't you and Evelyn cousins?”

“What? No man, have you lost-”

Beth catches on quicker than Daryl and hurries to agree. “Yes, that's exactly right. They're cousins on his momma's side.”

Tara just smiles at Beth. “Well that's perfect. We'd always rather place the child with family. I do need to peek in on him though, just to know he's safe. And I will need to talk to him tomorrow.”

**********

Evelyn spends about six months in jail but for their family not much changes as Logan had so rarely seen her anyway. Well one thing does change; every day Beth feels Logan pulling further and further from her. Before he moved in, he had always called her by name even when he wouldn't do it for Daryl. Now he only calls her 'ma'am' and every time she hears it, she wants to scream. “Ma'am, can I be excused?” “Can you check my math homework, Ma'am?” “Ma'am, when will Daryl be home?”

Then Logan's mom gets released and says she's determined to be a better mother. Beth is grateful that Tara tells Evelyn that the state cannot allow her to take Logan home until she completes several steps over the next few months. Each time Evelyn has to leave after a visit, Logan seems to be more and more angry. And all that anger seems directed at Beth. 

She knows what's happening here; has talked to Tara about it several times. Tara says it's common in the kids she sees; that they can easily forge relationships with the people whose roles have never been filled in their lives to begin with. For Logan, that's Daryl, the father figure Logan never had Beth's parents who are the grandparents he has never enjoyed and the kids, who are the siblings he never got to have. But Beth is the mother figure. Logan already has one of those. And he doesn't need this imposter to try to replace her. Tara says that secretly the anger comes from guilt, that Logan enjoys the mothering that Beth gives him, the affection and caring that he never got from his own mother. But Beth doesn't see the guilt, she just sees the rage. 

Of course a month after Logan's mom is released, she's already fallen off the mothering bandwagon and gone back to her old ways. A month after that, Tara calls and asks Beth, Daryl and Logan to come to her office the next day. Rick meets them there and when Tara takes Logan in her office, he sits Beth and Daryl down to bring them up to speed. 

“Evelyn was arrested again yesterday. She was staying in a trailer out by Reed Creek with a local scumbag named Martinez.” Rick stopped and took a deep breath. “They were making meth in a shed behind the trailer, so they've got her on intent to distribute again and they're trying to get manufacturing to stick as well. But with the second offense of intent to distribute a schedule II narcotic, there is a minimum ten year sentence.”

Beth reaches over to take Daryl's hand. “What happens now?”

“Well, a biological parent in Evelyn's situation who gets a prison sentence greater than the amount their child can be considered a minor, the state steps in to sever their parental rights. If there was a father in the picture it'd be different, but they don't want these kids just languishin' around the system waitin' on parents who won't be gettin' outta jail until after the kid is eighteen.”

Selfishly, Beth's first thought is how this affects their family, not how devastated Logan will be to essentially lose his mother. “So, what's that mean for Logan?”

“It means I'd talk to a lawyer, see what you guys need to do if want to keep Logan.”

Daryl sat quietly listening to Rick while he chewed on the thumbnail of the hand not in Beth's. He turns to look towards Tara's office, where they can just make out the back of Logan's head as he sits at a table with the social worker. “Nah, means that even if nothing really changes for us, that boy's life is 'bout to turn upside down.” He turns to look at Beth. “And you thought he was mad before.”

**********

_If there's ever an answer_  
 _It's more love_

Once there is talk adopting Logan, Beth's relationship with him goes from strained to explosive. He refuses to do things when she asks unless Daryl's there to reinforce it. He rolls his eyes and scoffs when she speaks. He ignores her when she tells him to have a good day or when she tells him goodnight. Beth has no idea what to do now; it seems the harder she tries the more he pushes back. 

Daryl never mentioned it to her, but she had overheard them outside one night, Logan asking why Merle or just Daryl couldn’t adopt him. "Why does she have to be involved?" She hadn't stuck around to hear Daryl's response or more of Logan's argument. Instead Beth had taken a shower so she could bawl her eyes out in peace, though she suspects Daryl knows she heard. 

It's a Thursday in February when it all comes to a head. Ben goes home with a friend after school and Beth is there to pick up Logan and Dylan for first time that week. 

“Logan, how 'bout we run to the store? Daryl said you need some notebooks?”

“No, I needed notebooks two days ago. Uncle Merle took me to get them on Monday.” So Merle gets an uncle title but Beth is still coldly referred to as 'Ma'am'? 

“Well, is there anything else you need while we have some time? Wanna get some new tennis shoes?"

"No. I just want to go home." Beth looks in the rearview mirror to see Logan with his head leaned against the window and his eyes closed. She wonders which home he is referring to, if he'd really rather be in that ratty apartment than at their house. 

Dylan, little ball of sunshine she is, never picks up on the tension. "Let's get ice cream! Momma, can we go to Maggie Moo's?" 

Beth agrees because one child in the car hating her is enough for today. When she sees how crowded the shopping center lot is and how far back she has to park, she almost changes her mind. "Alright, everybody out!"

She and Dylan make their way out of the car but Logan doesn't budge. "Come on, Logan. You can't stay in the car where I can't see you."

He doesn't even open his eyes. "No."

Dylan reaches up to slap her hand against the glass. "Lo, come on! Ice cream!"

Logan lifts his head and opens his eyes to stare right at Beth. "I said no!"

Beth refuses to have it out with a child right here in the parking lot with Dylan and who knows who else watching. "Dylan, we'll come get ice cream tomorrow. Get back in the car."

"Momma!" Beth just gives Dylan 'the look' and the little girl sighs and goes around to open her door. By the time she gets in and settled in her seat, she's over it. "Logan, ice cream tomorrow!"

Beth knows she is too angry to talk to Logan right now, that she'll say something she regrets. She takes the kids home and leaves them with Em while she drives around to clear her head before she goes to pick up Ben. She's trying to figure out how to fix this, what to say or do. She's out of her element here because he is so _angry_ and she honestly can't relate to that. 

She gets home to find Emma Kate and Logan at the kitchen table with schoolwork and Dylan in the living room dancing in her ballerina outfit. She goes to the kitchen to start getting dinner ready, pulling things out of the fridge. "How's homework goin?" Em raises her eyebrows at Beth before obviously rolling her eyes in Logan's direction, who doesn’t even acknowledge that a question has been asked. Beth closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She refuses to live like this anymore, on pins and needles in her own home. 

"Logan, come with me, darlin'. We need to talk." She makes her way toward the hall to lead him somewhere more private, but when she turns around, he's not following her. "Logan." 

He sighs and looks up at her. "No, thank you." 

That's it for Beth. "That's it! I am fed up with this attitude. You've got about three seconds to get off that chair and down the hall, or you're gonna be grounded for a week. This means no campin’ this weekend." Daryl and Merle were planning to take Ben and Logan along with Glenn and Aiden to go camping Saturday night and she knew Logan was looking forward to it. Thinking on it now, he was probably just excited to get away from her for a few days. 

The kid heaves a sigh, like this is the most taxing thing that has been asked of him his whole life, before following Beth down the hall to the room he shares with Ben. "Alright, what needs to happen here? We gotta learn to live with each other without makin' everybody else miserable." Blank stare, no response. "This can't be any fun for you either, bein' so mad all the time." Eyeroll, which Beth chooses to count as progress. "Do you even know why you're mad anymore? Cause I sure don't." 

If looks could kill, Beth would be dead ten times over with the way Logan is eyeing her right now. After a minute of silent staring, he unfolds his arms and yells at Beth. "I hate you!” The next few seconds are a blur; she sees his little fist come up and she doesn't react, just stands there shocked. She's not scared of Logan, she just can't believe he would hit her, can't process what she is seeing right in front of her. Fortunately, Daryl happened to be walking into the room behind Logan at the same time and obviously his reflexes are much faster than hers. He grabs the arm the kid is swinging towards Beth and uses it to spin him around to face him. 

"We need to talk, man to man." He picks Logan up and sets him on the dresser, pushing random toys out of the way before resting his hands on either side of his legs, leaning down right in the scared little boy's face. "That woman over there? I don't care who she is to anybody else; mother, daughter, sister, friend, it don't matter to me. She's my wife and no one touches my wife, got it?" Logan solemnly nods his head. "And I best not see you ever raise a hand to anybody that ain't raisin' one to you or somebody else first. Understand me?" 

Logan nods again and Beth can see he has tears in his eyes. She feels bad for the kid; Daryl is his idol and it's always heartbreaking to feel like you let someone like that down. "I'm sorry." Daryl puts Logan back on his feet and pushes him towards Beth. 

"Ain't me that needs an apology." 

Logan walks toward her with his head down and stops a few feet away. "I'm sorry." Beth is no closer to figuring out how to handle this than she was when she picked him up from school this afternoon. So she goes with her gut. She reaches under his chin to lift his eyes to hers. 

"It's all gonna be okay, sweet boy. We love you. We ain't goin' anywhere." She kneels down and pulls Logan into a hug and it's like the flood gates open. He wraps his arms around her neck tighter than she would have thought possible and cries his little broken heart out. She rubs his back and tells him it's okay. She tells him it's not his fault when he asks why his mother didn't love him more or why she doesn't respond to his letters. 

Beth cries her own tears thinking of the letter in back of the fire safe in her closet. The one she had received from Evelyn a month after the second arrest, asking that she tell Logan to stop writing letters or tying to come see her; to forget about his own mother and move on with his new family. She had been torn when she read it, unsure if it was the most selfish or selfless thing Evelyn could have done in that situation. Holding Logan as he cries, she knows she has to do something. 

But first things first. "How about we go wash our faces and then you can help me with dinner?' Logan just nods and they move to untangle and stand up. As they make their way down the hall, Logan slips his hand in hers and doesn't let go.

**********

Two weeks later, Beth tells the kids she is going to run errands and leaves them to enjoy a Saturday of chaos with Daryl and Merle. She makes the three hour drive to the Women's Correctional Facility in Claxton and waits another hour before she can see Evelyn. Beth tries to appeal to her one mother to another, tries to tell her how much Logan misses her, but Evelyn refuses to even look up from the table.

Beth realizes that she's getting nowhere so she stands to leave. "I know you think we're turning him against you but we're not; couldn't do it if we tried. That boy would walk away from us to live with you in a cardboard box and never look back." Finally the other woman's eyes rise to hers. "You're breakin' his heart." Beth makes the long drive home that day unsure if anything good will come out of the trip.

Three weeks later a box shows up addressed to Logan. Inside is a bunch of letters from his mom, almost one a day for the time she's been in Claxton. And there's one letter addressed to Beth. In it she asks that Beth destroy the letter she sent previously and that she not tell Logan about it. She also thanks her for the money she's adding to Evelyn's commissary account each month which Beth hasn't told anyone about. She also tells her to thank Merle for the amounts he's sending too, adding that she appreciates the gesture, but there are only so many things a girl can buy there. 

Beth just smiles to herself and lets it go. She knows Merle would feign ignorance and claim Evelyn is a meth head and you can't believe a word she says. She'll let him keep his tough guy facade, the big ol' softie.

**********

_I believe in love, I believe in love_  
 _A love that's real, love that's strong_

A year later, Logan officially becomes a member of the family along with Evelyn in a way. Annette is working with her to get her GED and some skills that will help her one day once she is out of prison. Logan and Evelyn still write each other often and they are even reading some books together so they can talk about them. In honor of the adoption, Beth and Daryl bought Logan the entire Harry Potter series. And it just so happens that someone donated the same series to Evelyn's library as well. 

Honestly, Beth has no idea which one of her family members is responsible for that. And it's an amazing problem to have

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone for loving this ship just as much as I do!


End file.
